Condom - lie. Pre-Marital Sex Destructive - February 14, 1995 

Growing up as one of three boys, and with a dad that acted more often like a brother than a father, I was taught in no uncertain terms to score with women at all costs. "Have you had sex yet?" my oldest brother asked me when I was still an underclassman in high school. You see, I had to score - I had to be a man.

When I was young, very young, I was dared to go into the drug store to buy a 'rubber.' Well, I was a daring 11 year old, so I did it. I bought a condom. And then what? Well, me and my pals Spiro and Adam filled it with water and tossed it from the roof of a building. What else would eleven-year-old's do with it?

And when I lost my virginity at 16, I wore a condom. In a way, it was the 'condom' that defined my manhood. You see, I proved my courage by buying one that time. Also, I can remember Scott Cain pulling the boys aside in seventh grade and opening his wallet, showing us that a ring was forming in the leather. He pulled out a condom to show us. I remember my reaction: "It comes in colors?!"

When I was a freshman at UNH, my pal gave me a condom for my birthday. And further back, it was a condom that was there when I first became a man, when I first had a sexual experience. It seems that it is the condom that links together all the stages of becoming a man.

I've been doing research and I found out that rubber latex, used to make condoms, has lots of natural tiny holes, about 1 micron in diameter. A micron is one thousandth of a millimeter. That's fine to stop sperm, which is about 3-5 microns in diameter at the head, but the HIV virus is 0.1 micron. Seeing that the holes are 1 micron, and the virus is 0.1, depending on a condom to protect you is like playing soccer with no goalie.

Here's a fact: condoms are only 85 percent successful to prevent pregnancy. And seeing that a woman can get pregnant only about six days per month, and HIV and other diseases can infect 31 days per month, the failure rate protecting against STD's is significantly higher. Hey, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I was pretty shocked by this data and I thought it would be good to share. After all, we're talking about our lives here. Did you know that condoms are ineffective in preventing HIV?

If you'd like to see more data, feel free to give me a call at 862-8427 or email me at mes@christa.unh.edu. Here's another tid-bit; one Food and Drug Administration (FDA) study tested condoms in the laboratory for leakage of HIV-sized particles. Almost 33 percent leaked. One in three.

Okay, enough of that, I'm now willing to make this personal. I don't mind telling you that I really desire to get married someday. I can't wait to spend the very rest of my life intimately with one special person. Now I will not marry the person who I can just merely live with. I'm going to marry the one who I can not live without. It will be a bond like no other I've ever experienced. And I look forward making love with my wife.

I'll tell you that part of me feels like I blew it. I've already had sex, and I have given that part of me away to someone else. What should have been for my wife I gave to a girl back in 1990. - But I've learned to move on. I'm realizing that sex is more than just a physical orgasm. It's the most intimate sharing that a husband and a wife can have. I'm excited by the fact that when I make love with my wife, I'll be experiencing that intense intimacy for the first time.

Hey, I've been to parties here at UNH, and I know that empty feeling that forms after 'hooking up' with someone. If I had to be honest, I'd say that at first it's a bit degrading. But then after doing it again and again, I didn't mind it so much. This process is not only demeaning, it is emotionally bankrupting.

I remember when Condoms were advertised as "safe sex." Do you remember that? But then they realized that it's really not "safe," so now the lingo has changed to "safer sex." Isn't that funny how they change how "safe" it is? Well, it's only a matter of time before that changes too. We're talking about lives here and the fact of the matter is that there is not a doctor anywhere who would have sex with someone with HIV, protected by a condom or otherwise. They wouldn't do it and neither should we. It's not "safe." It's not "safer." It's dangerous.

You know I found out that there are actually UNH students like us who are not doing "it." I couldn't imagine that. I thought only ugly kids with too much acne abstained! But these were attractive and witty students with a lot going for them. And they were waiting until marriage.

And now I'm one of them. You see, I've learned that my past does not matter so much as what happens now. The past has past. The question is: was I going to keep on selling myself short?

Can I ask you: What will you do tonight? Are you going to believe the lie and wear that condom? Are you going to believe the lie and degrade your self-esteem? Or will you realize the dignity of not doing it?

About a year and a half ago, I made a commitment to sexual excellence, which includes purity. I made this commitment about one and one half years ago and I have been clean since. I'm not pretending that I am high and above anyone. I hope you don't read that into this. I am not perfect, and I have my struggles, but one thing I stand on is that I desire to remain true to my future wife. I've learned that there is a lot of dignity and character in waiting.

My failed relationships taught me clearly that a good sex life does not produce a good relationship, but from what I've seen, an excellent marriage produces a great sex life! When the one who I can not live without crosses my path, I'll once again become sexually active (after marriage) and how wonderful that will be. Sex is not dirty, but it can be used to harm us in the wrong context with the wrong person. Condoms are not safe. Physically, they are unable to prevent disease. Emotionally they destroy.

So do what I did when I was 11. Fill your condoms up with water and toss them off a building. It'll be a ton of fun!

I don't mind sharing my past with you in the hope that this Valentine's day, you won't give in. No, you don't have to do it! At the end of this article are the names of just a few UNH students who are not doing it by choice. And they also are not perfect, but they believe in waiting. Abstinence is still an option. And since I've tried both, I can tell you that it's much better.

Kimberly Adams, Pete Beal, Jennifer Beaulieu, R.J. Burns, Melissa Camire, Mark Chamberlain, Mike Chamberlain, Jenna Christensen, Lynette Cook, Von DeRosia, Stephen Dunhom, Jason Eno, Jamie Hemphill, Mike Houle, Karl Koistinen, Kathy Mills, Erik Pedersen, Holly Perkins, Darrin Perry, Aaron Porter, Kelly Powers, Evan Sahmel, Kevin Scheirer, Peter Scruton, Mark Sohmer, Carrie Soper, Bill Tower